top XX ways to not get to know me...

Yes, I'm on a list binge this week.

The online dating jawn...I gotta admit, I have some real pet peeves. Here are a few:

ways to make sure you can't get at me...

• misspell. even simple words. add a few grammatical errors and I'm sure to pass


• take your shirt off. 'specially if you have a chicken chest, or man breasts.


• proposition me with some sexual reference


• better yet, invite me to join you and your girlfriend/wife


• write your own poetry or pornoetry. talk about how talented you are, and then make sure you use the words "conscious, Queen, moon, sun, stars, and pu$$y" all in the same poem...oh, don't let me forget...


• ...refer to me as a Queen - period. that's original


• tell me how funky my attitude is from my pics/email/profile/website. wow, you're astute - you figured that all out by yourself? you ain't even need to actually meet me to figure that one, eh?


• be shallow...be very, very shallow...


• holla at me real strong, then be completely unable to carry on a conversation. be unfunny, un-engaging, and generally uninteresting. then ask me what's wrong.


• take a pic in a red suit, with a red shirt, tie, hat, shoes, socks, and probably red drawz. or shop at any store that offers package deals (buy a suit, and we'll throw in some gators for free). ok, so yes, I have a little shallow in me.


• wear dress shoes sans socks. that's attractive


• take a picture with your overpriced luxury vehicle, SUV or your motorcycle. or better yet, take the pic of just the vehicle, and leave yourself out of it


• send me a pic of you & your crew, and then don't identify which one you are. or the one you cut/tried to cut your ex out of. best of all, don't send me a pic


• even better - Take a pic wearing promotional items from your favorite porno magazine/site, you know the stuff you get free for having a lifetime subscription or buying X number of videos? that gets me really HOTT!!!


• or better yet, don't have a pic at all. not online, not offline. despite conventional thinking, I understand that everyone has a preferred aesthetic, and that their personality doesn't supersede their appearance. in other words, I understand everyone has likes - and that's equally important as what's inside. I also have likes, and if you want me to respond, er - I need to see you.


• be caucasian. I like BROTHAS, dammit!!!!!


• be/look to be over 43, or under 30. I'm 38. At times I may not even look 30...keep that in mind. <<edited to add:: I had to lower that number, because y'all ain't getting it. It ain't that I like younger men. It's that I like attractive, vibrant, energetic men. Some of y'all are in some serious denial about the age thing, for real...


• talk about yourself incessantly without ever asking me about me. and don't let me get a word in edgewise. yeah, that's a turn-on


• if the best quality that you have to offer is the fact that you're not a Loser (for those of you who are not sure, this means that in your ad you state that you're "single, never married, no kids, drug & drama-free") and that's ALL you have to offer, then you probably are a Loser. Go, work on your personality, live a little, determine what your Qualities are (intelligence, sincerity, compassion, wit, etc.) and get back to me when you have a list. No, seriously. No really, I'm serious.


• state that i should be grateful for the pleasure of your company, cause you don't usually date big girls - but you like me. yeeaahhh - ok.

Am I gonna front? Nah - I know this list will grow. Those XX in the title are there for a reason...

Disclaimer:: what's posted in this blog is the semi-sarcastic comments of a woman we're not sure is completely sane, or serious. Break or follow the above rules with caution...